About a week ago, my friend Christi came in from out of town. I thought it would be a good idea to hang out at a bar on Friday, which ended up being a night that we had a horrible storm.
I asked my cousin, Brian to also come with and was hoping he could drive since he didn’t plan on drinking.
Here’s something you should know about Brian: He’s a perfectionist to the core. He owns a brand new Lexus IS350, fully loaded, with all the factory add-ons, and most of all he never drives it.
That’s because he owns another car.
The Suzuki SX4. Unlike the Lexus, I’m almost pretty sure that you have never heard of this car. I had no idea it existed until Brian pulled up in it one day. The Sx4 is actually a great car, beyond the fact that it looks like absolute shit. Not the point of a “beater” to look great anyway.
We finally get to the destination in the humble SX4 at the very height of the storm. Despite the heavy rain, Brian decides to park backwards into the very first spot in front of the building. Fancy.
It’s about at this point that I realize I forgot my wallet. We ran to the front entrance amidst the rain, only to find they were carding at the door. Given the fact that I look about 10 years younger than my actual age (would put me at about 16), there was no hope of them letting me in without my ID. I had no choice but to go back and get my wallet.
As the rain continued to fall heavily outside, I asked Brian if he could pull the car up to spare us all from getting wet. The following diagram illustrates the positioning I’m about to describe:
If you’re curious as to why the car is orange in the illustration, it’s because the car is actually orange in real life.
If you’re curious as to why there is a boulder in the diagram, well, it’s because as Brian pulled a hard right to get to the entrance, he ended up misjudging the distance from the curb, hopped it, and sideswiped his car against this very large rock.
As it was happening, two black guys were walking in. After watching Brian do battle with this hefty chunk of earth, the first one turns around, looks at his friend and goes:
I nearly died laughing.
The damage was actually pretty bad, and I felt bad. The rest of the night, Brian was fighting himself as to if he should claim it on insurance or not and if he did, how he would explain what happened.
“I should say that it was a hit and run,” Brian said.
“Um. That’s clearly boulder damage,” Christi replied. “There’s no way that anything other than a boulder did that.”
Based on Brian’s report and a survey of the damage, if I were the insurance adjuster it would be pretty clear what actually happened.
Fred Flintstone backed up into Brian’s car and ran. Obviously.